Freshly salted English slugs revert to type (31 May 1999)
Separated though they were by 60-odd miles of the M6, it was a distressingly familiar day in the recent history of Australian and English cricket
31-May-1999
31 May 1999
Freshly salted English slugs revert to type
Martin Johnson
Separated though they were by 60-odd miles of the M6, it was a
distressingly familiar day in the recent history of Australian and
English cricket. Whenever these two sides find themselves confronted
by a do-or-die situation, one of them snarls like a doberman greeting
the new postman, while the other one is more inclined to react like a
freshly salted slug.
Back in Australia, they would have been surprised by neither result,
and it wasn't hard to conjure up images of breakfast table
conversations in Wodonga and Wollongong. "Anything interesting in the
paper, dear?" "Nah, same old stuff. There's been a bush fire in
Sydney, the Aborigines want their land back, and the Poms are out of
the World Cup."
Many of the spectators at Old Trafford were earplugged into the radio
commentary at Edgbaston, listening to England saying goodbye to the
carnival of cricket, with felicitious timing, 24 hours before the
release of the official World Cup song. Sadly, the words just won't
have the same meaning for them now.
"Heroes come and heroes go, Wise men watch the river flow, as man is
tough, woman is strong, the universe is just one song. The meek and
the gentle will inherit the stars, Men from Venus, women from Mars.
Everybody, everybody, all over the world, life is a carnival."
(copyright: Ted Hughes/Merv Hughes).
However, England's supporters can console themselves with the news of
Carnival of Cricket: Darren Gough's World Cup Review - a home-movie
video which will, according to the blurb, "feature never-before seen
footage of behind-the-scenes action, specially shot by Darren
himself". An hour and a half of non-stop action, including, no doubt,
behind-the-scenes, never-before seen footage of our Darren bowling
inswinging yorkers to young Liam on the back lawn, and Mrs Gough
appearing on the patio and calling the boys in for tea.
England's fans will also be able to take heart from the media
bulletin issued by World Cup tournament director Terry Blake,
offering his personal assurances that, despite the elimination of the
host nation, "the carnival of cricket will continue". The tournament
director's upbeat oratory will have reassured everyone bar the Blake
family cat, who will have heard the key turning in the front
doorlock, and promptly done a bunk.
Blake is a key figure in the ECB marketing department, which, not for
the first time, is wishing it had an easier product to sell. "Excuse
me, sir, we were wondering if your company would like to invest in
the England cricket team? Yes, that's right, the England cricket
team. Hello? Hello . . ?"
There was another bulletin at Old Trafford yesterday, revealing that
the Pepsi drinks buggy was being driven by none other than Dwight
Yorke. Gough, now searching for ways to get his camcorder closer to
the action, will be next to volunteer for the Pepsi chauffeur's cap,
and the buggy would also be a handy cover for News of the World
reporters trying to find out what's really inside those Gatorade
bottles.
It is ironic now to think, as the cynically inclined may well do,
that this event was scheduled for this time of year to increase
England's chances of winning, and yesterday's game in Manchester
-where most of the millionaires are umbrella salesmen - was another
bowler-friendly affair involving a crucial toss.
Brian Lara lost it, and on a morning made to measure for Glenn
McGrath, lost his wicket to a delivery that was as near to being
unplayable as makes no difference. It pitched on middle, changed
direction at around 85mph, and hit the top of off. Bradman in his
pomp might, just might, have been good enough to edge it to the
wicketkeeper.
It was propelled on the same ground and from the same end as Shane
Warne's so-called Ball of the Century to Mike Gatting. Warne now
sports a figure not unlike the former England captain's, and since
his shoulder operation, rarely bowls the ball of the session never
mind the century.
Warne was also involved in one of two dubious claims for a slip catch
when he scooped up the ball on what the third umpire adjudged, via
compelling TV evidence, to be a half-volley. Stuart Williams did the
same in the Australian innings, and it now needs a very long memory
to recall the days when batsmen walked on a fielder's nod.
The most cynical passage of play, however, was reserved for the
moment the Australians, having emerged from a searching examination
against Ambrose in their quest for 111 to win, deliberately began
batting like Boycott and Tavare in a Test match in an effort to win
with as few balls to spare as possible.
This was because a heavy West Indian loss would have made New
Zealand's task of qualifying today much simpler - and if New Zealand
go through, Australia take nil points into the Super Six as opposed
to two. Besides which, they dislike New Zealand almost -but not quite
- as much as New Zealand dislike them.
As far as the Kiwis are concerned, who still haven't forgotten Trevor
Chappell bowling underarm - and underhand - when they wanted six to
win off the last ball of a one-day game in 1981, the only serious
contender for the world's thinnest book is The Australian Guide to
Cricketing Chivalry.
Source :: Electronic Telegraph (https://www.telegraph.co.uk)