Shah Rukh Khan, geriatrics, and missing balls

'Fine, I'll just watch it on one of my 17 37-inch plasma TVs' © AFP

Kuch kuch hota hai
Cricket and Hindi films share a long romance in India, and there will naturally be tiffs. The most recent has come in the form of the Indian board's objection to superstar Shah Rukh Khan apparently promoting his latest film during India's recent one-day series against Pakistan. A BCCI source was quoted as saying that officials were unhappy with Khan, who they felt was using a "much bigger platform" to endorse Om Shanti Om.

Khan was at the final of the ICC World Twenty20, as well as India's Twenty20 match against Australia in Mumbai, both at the request of the BCCI. During the Jaipur ODI he mentioned his new film only when Ramiz Raja, clearly a big fan, prompted him on air.

Rajiv Shukla, a BCCI vice-president, was quick to comment that the board has no objection to Khan watching any India match. This came after Khan said he went to watch cricket for the love of sport. "God has given me enough and I don't crave publicity," he added. "It is not in my nature to promote my films in others' platforms. I don't think it can be so strange that just because I am popular, I can't take my children to watch a spectator sport without creating some kind of ill will or ill thought in the mind of people. I am very disappointed."

He signed off with a wry one-liner, just like in all his flicks. "Maybe I will just send the children next time and tell them not to say they are my children." Definitely no shanti here.

Spin theory
The second bit of recognition outside of cricket to come Anil Kumble's way, after the traffic junction named after him in his native Bangalore, is the starring role in a chapter in a children's textbook.

"Grit can be defined as determination and courage when faced with extreme challenges. How does one show true grit on the sports field?" No that's not my take on this, it's how the chapter, aptly titled "True Grit", kicks off. A whole chapter devoted to Kumble, 37, and India's new Test captain, puts him on the same pedestal as Rakesh Sharma, the first Indian to orbit the earth, and Bachendri Pal, the first Indian woman to climb Mount Everest. Much of the focus is on Kumble's decision to bowl in Antigua in 2002, broken jaw and all, and how he went on to dismiss Brian Lara. Inputs from Sourav Ganguly and Kumble's own insights are included.

Balls away
Adam Gilchrist has gone hoarse asking about the whereabouts of the ball he hit his 100th six off. Gilly wants it back, but nobody can find the culprit who made off with it.

Anandan Reddy of Melbourne believes he caught the thief on camera outside the Bellerive Oval. "At first I didn't realise it was Gilchrist's 100th six," said the quick-shooting Reddy. "I saw all the frantic action outside and about two minutes later I saw a man coming back holding a ball. I thought he was an official who was going to throw the ball back on the field. But he disappeared and I didn't see him after that." The ever-ready Reddy hopes his handiwork helps catch the absconder.

It gets thicker. Another spectator, Gerard Castles - cool name, by the way - who watched Gilchrist's six sail over his head and out of the ground, told his son Conor and his mates to go get it. Apparently two men retrieved the ball from under a car and ran away from the pleading kids and into a toilet block at the back of the Southern Stand, telling the kids to go take a hike, or something to that order.

Gilly has offered a full-sized autographed bat in reward for the ball. Do you know anything about Gilchrist's cricket ball mystery? Either way, please don't email me. I couldn't care less.

Not up in smoke
Remember Sajid Mahmood, the poor man's Steve Harmison, who was in turn a poor man's Curtly Ambrose? (And neither is playing cricket right now. Ouch.) Well, even if you don't, the bloke's been cleared of charges of having thrown a cigarette butt out of a car window.

You don't even remember that incident? Well, I don't blame you, but the 25-year-old England and Lancashire fast bowler had been ordered to appear in court after a Trafford Council environmental health officer accused him of the foul act. Saj disputed the fine and the Trafford Council agreed to drop the allegations following a hearing. While he wasn't in court personally, he did fax in saying he was out of England. Good way to try and get back into the England side, wot? Puff away.

New balls, please
This past week, youth prevailed over experience as the World's Second Oldest XI beat the World's Oldest XI by two wickets with two overs to spare. No, no, I'm not smoking crack, the match actually did take place, believe me. It was the showpiece of the Australian Over-60 Cricket Carnival being held at Melbourne's Royal Park.

The World's Oldest XI, boasting an average age of 75.5 years, scored 149, but it wasn't enough to quell the young upstarts, who had an average age of 70 and used it to their advantage. The World's Oldest XI contained former Victorian first-class player Ian Huntington, and Brendan Lyons, the son of former Australian Prime Minister Joe Lyons. At 80, Brendan was the oldest cricketer on the field, and he finished with 0 for 9 from his two overs.

Now that's what you call the fearlessness of youth.

One to watch
It's been decades since West Indies produced a good spinner, but one young tyro turned heads this past week - and in Barbados, known for outstanding fast bowlers, at that. Thirteen-year-old Jon-Ross Brathwaite, playing in the annual Sir Everton Weekes Under-13 Schools Competition, took 6 for 0 for St Michaels against Deighton Griffith. Four were bowled, one caught, and one leg-before.

"It feels good. I knew that I had to dominate under-13 cricket and that is what I went out there and did," the offspinner, who hails from Retreat in St George, told the Nation.

Keep an eye on this kid, and let's hope he does a Alf Valentine or Sonny Ramadhin, and not a Nehemiah Perry.

Animal house
A night of drunken revelry for two batsmen has given Western Australia an extended hangover. Shaun Marsh and Luke Pomersbach were suspended for a breach of team rules after both were found guilty of overdoing the old moonshine last Saturday night and into Sunday morning. Marsh will be out for two weeks and Pomersbach even longer. The WACA has added its ban onto the one imposed by the coach Tom Moody, and this is sure to impact the team's fortunes in the Pura and Ford Ranger Cups.

Sadly, it's not the first time these two legends have fallen foul of management; last season both missed team deadlines during matches, and Pomersbach was also fined for missing a bus to the airport. Tsk, tsk.

And to round off a madcap week ....
British actor and model Sienna Miller hit Kate Moss over the head repeatedly with a cricket bat in Mexico. What, you say? Relax, it was a papier maché pinata that Miller happened to think looked like the supermodel, thereby ticking off Miller's beau Rhys Ifans, who is chums with Moss. But what's a cricket bat doing in Mexico? I smell the ICC.

Quote of the week
"That one was only a four-footer, but this one was of anaconda proportions." Graeme Swann compares sizes of the cobras he has seen on his trips to Sri Lanka, after two slithered past during England's warm-up match in Colombo